Friend Zone

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  12. 42A. October 6, 2011 at 11:12 am
  13. I was thinking about the point made several threads back that men do what they think they’d like and women do what they think they’d like.  It makes me wonder if the “nice guy” approach (begin with a friendship, then escalate to romance) could work if employed by women, used on shyer guys.  I don’t know for a fact if it could; I’m just wondering.
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  15. For guys, there are two problems with it.  One is that it simply doesn’t work.  That might be different for women.  The other, though, is that it takes a lot of time investment to find out that it didn’t work.  Considering that, any woman who would want to try this strategy should definitely not repeat guys’ mistakes and wait for months to escalate to romance, but just a couple of weeks at most.
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  17. I’ll second the comments that a woman initiating (in a friendly manner) would never cause me to think she was a “slut”; the thought just would not occur to me.  But I’ll also confess that I (as a shy and literal minded guy) could completely miss out that signals like “Would you like to go for coffee?” had a romantic undertone.
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  21. I think you’re onto something there – women probably can succeed with a friend-zone approach to start, because men are not seeking dominance in women. In fact, they’re avoiding it! I do agree, though, that it makes no sense to pine for a guy who isn’t stepping up. Not long ago I ran a letter from a woman named Connor who liked a guy but didn’t know if he liked her, and it had been three years.
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  23. I think a majority of the problem with this society’s dating situation is tied in with the fact that women are taught to go with their instincts, that their hearts will guide them well in love, and the meaning of sex is only personal enjoyment.  We have no illusions about the nature of male sexuality…so much so, that if such advice were given to men, we can easily see the consequences.  Based on the success of some pickup artists, and the attractiveness of that community in general, I think it’s obvious that a women’s instincts can sometimes be a horrible guide.  My friend Andi talked with me about her aha moment on this topic.  Unfortunately, I wasn’t in any position to help her.  Luckily, she’s figured this out while still younger than 30, unlike so many women.
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  25. @ Anacaona
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  27. You got the gist.  For women, dressing up is a double edged sword.  I once went out with a male friend to a religious concert put on by our diocese.  The venue was a little small, as was the number of people who attended.  I dared him to approach two well dressed women with me.  He declined saying, “they’re out of my league”.  This is an intelligent guy who went on to get his masters in mechanical engineering from a top university.  Interestingly enough, he ended up married less than 2 years later to an objectively hotter girl (who he hadn’t met yet).  They met online.
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