WHAT A DOUCHEBAG

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  10. Three weeks into it, we had sex. I wanted to hold off as long as possible because I wanted to see what his real intentions were, it was great, but I couldn't help but half regret that I did it. Things just got weird afterwards. A week after that, he started grad school and his texts/calls went from everyday to every other day and his replies weren't so quick. That was two weeks ago, I've moved to a city about two hours away and I haven't talked to him in over a week. Last time I called him I told him I was going to be coming home to visit and told him I wanted to meet up and hang out. He told me he was out of town for the entire weekend and basically told me to call him when I was going to be coming back again, but to give him notice ahead of time.
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  12. This whole thing has been so hard for me to deal with, I put my feelings out there and I feel so used by him, the worst part of it all is that I could never see him doing that. Things were so good until we had sex and now I'm still hurting over it. I want to call him but I know at the same time he doesn't want to continue it. What do I do??
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  14. 4susanawalsh September 21, 2009 at 5:53 am
  15. Hi LeslieL, nice to meet you. Thanks for trusting me with your question. OK, I have a few thoughts.
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  17. 1. It is MAJOR that when you and he started something you both knew that you were moving away in a month. I've actually discussed this with guys — they view that as an expiration date. They figure, why should I make a commitment to someone who is leaving very soon? This happens a lot over the summer, when kids are home from college. A summer romance starts, the girl is all about it, figures, let's be together as much as possible, and the guy is wary because of the expiration date.
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  19. 2. It is also very significant that he started grad school. Aside from the enormous stress, wanting to get off to a good start, make a good impression, etc., it is possible that he is looking forward to meeting new people. He may be hedging his bets.
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  21. 3. Although it is clear he has pulled away, I'm not so sure that things got weird because of the sex. 1. and 2. may have a lot to do with it. By asking you to make plans ahead of time, he is signaling that you and he are not in a relationship, and that you cannot make any assumptions.
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  23. I am so sorry you got hurt. It is possible that he used you, but it is also very possible that his feelings were/are real, and that your relationship was sabotaged by bad timing. Most guys will not happily conduct a long-distance relationship. It's all the work without the frequent company/sex.
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